As someone who is committed to personal growth, I constantly seek new experiences to elevate my understanding and awareness. However, by late 2024, I found myself in a challenging place. My usual meditation practices, which often transported me to profound states of consciousness, began to feel lacklustre. I was struggling to reach the peaks I had previously enjoyed. Blessed with the ability to experience deep meditative highs, I felt a calling to explore something new: Ayahuasca.

My intentions for this journey were clear. First, I wanted to raise my vibrational energy. Second, I sought answers regarding my eyesight, which had been a concern for me. In 2023, I made a conscious decision to break free from my family’s history of glaucoma, which had led my mother and grandmother into blindness. I embarked on Dr. Joe Dispenza’s meditative practices, determined to heal my vision. Remarkably, I regained long-distance sight, allowing me to see the emotion charts in my wellness space without glasses. Although I experienced temporary improvements, my short-distance vision remained a challenge, leaving me both frustrated and hopeful.

Upon arriving at the Ayahuasca ceremony location, I was instantly captivated by its beauty—a serene space surrounded by trees and a charming hut reminiscent of a giant teepee. The atmosphere was welcoming, and I quickly connected with the other participants, who felt like kindred spirits. The Shaman, embodying love, wisdom, and peace, further enriched the experience with his calming presence.

As the evening unfolded, we gathered in the sacred space, each of us seated on our designated mats. My heart swelled with excitement as I received my ceremonial cup and prepared to immerse myself in the experience. Time felt fluid; moments stretched and compressed, and I found myself initially wondering if I would be one of those who experienced nothing. But soon enough, my journey began.

Suddenly, I became acutely aware of a physical sensation in my stomach, as if I were pregnant, pondering what I was about to give birth to. I could feel my stomach, the bump and all that comes with birth. It was a beautiful sensation.

Then it hit me—a vision of dark, shadowy figures emerged around me, pulling me back into a haunting past life I had thought I had resolved.

To give you a small snippet of that life for context. In that past life, I was female, and I was lured into a castle like space, where I was trapped by a man who was obsessed with seeing his deceased sister. He knew that I could see spirit. And he really wanted me to connect to her. He kept me hidden in the bottom of a dungeon like space. It was dank, dark, and in the centre of the room was a chair. He would chain me to the chair and force me to take herbs and what he called medicines, to get me to see deeper. All I could see was low vibrational spirit. I was constantly tormented by these visions, and physically and mentally hurt by them. That past life had tormented me for years, and I had worked diligently to overcome the fears it had instilled in me. Doing many kinesiology sessions to overcome many blocks. Like fear of the dark, fear of seeing spirit, and many other belief systems that I had on board.

Despite believing I had moved beyond that chapter, Ayahuasca had different plans. I found myself trapped in a cycle of low-vibrational visions, recalling the Shaman’s guidance to return to my heart. Each time I attempted to escape, I was drawn back, now confronting a profound sense of fear that felt all-consuming. In the midst of this struggle, I purged—both physically and energetically—releasing what felt like layers of pain and darkness.

I started to say to myself, what is it that I’m missing. Why am I go continuously going back to the same place, the same vision. I didn’t hear any wise words from Grandmother Ayahuasca, I just got focused on trying to get out of this groundhog moment.

As the journey continued, I encountered the soul of my dog in a past life. In that life she had been so mistreated. It was heart breaking to witness. I whimpered like a dog. Physically it was too much for me. The pain. I now know why my dog chose me. I now know why she’s come to my family for healing and love. This moment deepened my understanding of our connection and the healing love we share.

Then, I was propelled back to a traumatic memory of my own—a moment of a rape that had long been part of my healing journey. Now, once again, I’ve worked on this experience. I have nothing but compassion for that experience. I was curious why I was shown this. Yet, in this experience, I felt not only my own pain but the collective suffering of all women who have endured similar traumas. The intensity was overwhelming, leading me to purge once more, expelling dark energy as if I were releasing the pain of countless others. It was intense. Such a hard thing to feel. I cried and cried and cried. My heart ached for all woman in the world. The injustice, the pain. It was all consuming. And then the crying stopped, the purging began again. Once there was nothing left, I then saw black energy coming out of my mouth. It was something like out of the movie Green Mile. When the healer purges black stuff which he took from someone’s illness. It was exactly like that. My mind was curious and surprised and I allowed myself to let it go for all the women in the world. Once that stopped. I heard a voice saying “sit up”. I sat bolt upright. Prior to this I could not keep my body up, it was like jelly, not being able to control my body. I heard the voice say ‘play the flute’. I had brought my flute and drum for this retreat. I thought, maybe I will be able to play it. But throughout the experience, I remember at one time laughing at myself thinking how could I play in this state. But I did. I played a tune that I often play in my sound baths. But there was something different to the way I played it that night. It was guttural, it was powerful, it was like I was playing for all the women in the world. It was truly special. As soon as I finished, I collapsed back into my previous state of surrender.

Eventually, I found myself in a state of physical distress, needing to purge once again, yes that’s right, from the other end. I was grateful for the compassionate support of a fellow participant who reassured me during this vulnerable moment. She was my angel. I’m so grateful to her. She was so soothing, saying, don’t worry we’ve all been there. I looked up at her and spoke. “You’ve *&^$ing been here and you’ve chosen to come back. What’s wrong with you”. Laughter emerged amidst the chaos, reminding me of the shared humanity in our experiences.

After enduring what felt like an eternity of intensity, I received a healing blessing from the Shaman.

Reflecting on the experience with newfound friends the next day, I could only liken it to the process of giving birth—the waves of intensity, the emotional release, and the eventual return to a place of stillness.

After the ceremony, I felt a strong pull to return home. On my arrival, I learned of one of my cat’s passing, which emphasized the importance of being present for my family during this time of transition. The next day, we had to make the sad decision of putting down her sister. She was very sick and had dementia. It was an honour to see her transition to her sister. This experience reaffirmed my belief in listening to my body’s wisdom.

So, what did I learn from this profound journey? Grandmother Ayahuasca illuminated the concept of the pendulum: to truly understand light, one must also acknowledge the dark. For too long, I had sought only the highs, neglecting the lessons inherent in the lows. We need contrast in our lives to appreciate and see both sides. Neither is good or bad, it is just different. I needed to learn to “see” both and love them for what they are.

Just like giving birth, at the time, you say ‘no bloody way am I doing that again’. But then you experience the joy and love of your tiny bundle that’s entered your life. And slowly you go, ah it wasn’t that bad. Let’s go again. Lol. This is how I feel about doing Ayahuasca again.

After the experience.

There’s been a change in my energy. I now don’t seem to be as affected by other energies. My shungite necklace broke off recently and I’ve not been affected by others. So that is a great win for me.

I do feel and connect to my clients even deeper now. I noticed in the sessions after the experience that I was connecting even deeper, getting bigger changes for my clients. Understanding them more. I’m loving this.

My meditations are building up again. I’m getting more and more downloads, understandings as each day goes by.

It’s like my healing took place after the experience.

Would I suggest this to anyone in the future?

Only if you feel a strong pull. You’ll know in your soul if you’re ready. There are gentler ways to achieve those understandings, like Kinesiology, Past Life work, Transference Healing, Reiki, Human Design and more. All these will get you to your answers in a gentle slow way. But if you feel you need more, you want something stronger and quicker then go for it. Really do your research on who to experience this with. Here are my tips.

• • Make sure you eat very healthily at least a week before. No alcohol, no meat, no processed food. Keep it light.
  • Be careful of what you ask for to see and work with. Your intention is powerful.
  • Do some pre sessions to get your body ready for the experience, either with Kinesiology or Transference Healing
  • Post work, may be required to piece it all back together again. To heal and integrate
  • Journal everything, pre and post and during
  • A good book to read is “Listening to Ayahuasca”, by Rachel Harris.
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So in conclusion, will I do it again. I feel I will. But I’ll be doing a few things differently.

Thank you for reading my experience, I hope it helps you to make your decision on this amazing plant medicine and may your journey be full of love and wonder.

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